


We Love With Jagged Edges

by kimaris



Series: Nothing Like Us ( JJP Story Dump ) [5]
Category: JJ Project
Genre: Angst, Drabble, M/M, inspired by gnash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 03:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6784108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimaris/pseuds/kimaris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Aren’t you tired of this?” Jaebum seethes, fingers twitching at his sides. His eyes look even smaller when he’s angry, and even in such situation, Jinyoung thinks he’s beautiful.</p><p>Wiping his wet cheek with the back of his hand, Jinyoung asks back, “Are you?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Love With Jagged Edges

**We Love With Jagged Edges**

 

warning/s: mentions of depression and suicide 

 

 

**_If I were you, I’d leave me too_ **

 

Jinyoung has always been the emotional one between them, and it both amuses and pisses him off just how Jaebum can always look _okay_ even when he’s already breaking inside. It probably took Jaebum a lot of time to practice, Jinyoung thinks. He wonders if all this time, he’s the only one scared that one day their relationship will lose its flame, that Jaebum would lose that spark in his eyes whenever they look at each other, that one day they will be strangers once again, and the worst part is that they couldn’t tell how it happened.

 

 _“It just did.”_ Is what Jinyoung said to Yugyeom when the latter visited him one Friday afternoon, it’s been a month since Jinyoung broke up with Jaebum, but it still feels like it happened just yesterday. He’s lying on his bed, wearing Jaebum’s old shirt and he probably looks pathetic at the moment, but Jinyoung couldn’t care less. He lets Yugyeom brush his tears away, but it keeps coming, so he pushes the younger male’s hand away eventually.

 

“Hyung,” Yugyeom softly calls out, Jinyoung already knows what will follow next, but he still waited. “You can’t keep being like this, you’re destroying yourself.”

 

Jinyoung sniffles, eyes glancing down at his wrist, the skin still a bit reddish. The cut from yesterday looks ugly, just like the rest that already turned into scars. “I know,” he whispers. Yugyeom sighs and picks up a plaster from the bedside table, ripping the wrapper open. “But I can’t help it.”

 

_(Perhaps it’s because he’s too sensitive, and he has the tendency to over think most of the time, that he can’t help doubting Jaebum’s feelings for him from time to time._

_“Aren’t you tired of this?” Jaebum seethes, fingers twitching at his sides. His eyes look even smaller when he’s angry, and even in such situation, Jinyoung thinks he’s beautiful._

_Wiping his wet cheek with the back of his hand, Jinyoung asks back, “Are you?”_

 

_He shouldn’t have asked something he isn’t prepared to know the answer. But at the same time, Jinyoung knows he can’t always be selfish. He stares at Jaebum, sees how the older male’s eyes soften a bit, his frown morphs into a look of anguish and somehow, it made Jinyoung wants to cry even more._

 

_“I am. I am tired of this.” Jaebum says after taking a deep breath, he reaches out for the younger male and Jinyoung closes his eyes as the older male pulls him in his arms that Jinyoung calls his home. “But I’ll never be tired of **you**.”)_

 

**Lies.**

 

Jinyoung tells to himself every time. Jaebum lied to him, he said they’d be together forever even if forever is a long time, then again, Jinyoung’s ripped at every edge so he really can’t blame Jaebum for leaving him. He just hoped that Jaebum hanged on for a little bit more.

 

\--

 

Eventually, he had to leave his room to restock. Yugyeom can’t always visit him, since the latter has school—and so does Jinyoung, but he took a leave ever since his break up with Jaebum. Up till now, he still doesn’t know when he could go back.

 

Depression is a problematic thing, it’s consuming him more and more as time goes by and if Jinyoung’s going to be honest, he doesn’t know until when he can hold on. He’s tired and it hurts everywhere and there’s nothing he can do about it.

 

His heart won’t heal because Jaebum took it with him when he left.

 

**_I hate that I want you_ **

 

“Jinyoung?”

 

He knows that voice very well, can distinguish it even when he’s in the middle of the crowd and that fact scares Jinyoung so much that he feels his knees shaking. His grip on the bottle of milk tightens and as much as he wants to run away, his feet remained planted on the ground.

 

“Jinyoung-ah.” There it goes again, this time it’s softer and Jinyoung takes a deep breath before turning around.

 

Jaebum still looks perfect, even with his now copper colored hair, he looks tired and Jinyoung wonders if it’s because of sleepless nights as well. But even then, Jaebum is still perfect and it’s too much for Jinyoung.

 

He exhales through his nose, fingers trembling. “…Jaebum.”

 

Jaebum looked like he wanted to reach out for the younger, but he’s stopping himself at the same time, and it hurts Jinyoung more than he thought it would. He wonders just when Jaebum would set him free.

 

“How,” Jaebum clears his throat, lips curling to form a small smile. “How have you been?”

 

Jinyoung can’t find the appropriate words to use, he wants to say a lot of things, but in the end the only thing he managed to do was return the smile. “B-Been okay,” he bows his head after, uttering about having other things to do and that Jaebum shouldn’t waste his time on him anymore.

 

“Jinyoung,” Jaebum grabbed the younger male’s arm. “Jinyoung, please, c-can we talk?”

 

He hates how weak Jaebum can make him feel, he hates how he badly wants to close their distance and kiss those quivering lips. He hates how he still gets lost in Jaebum’s eyes, and he hates how even after all the things that happened, he’s still in love with Jaebum.

 

“…Maybe next time,”

 

\--

 

**_Do you miss me like I miss you?_ **

 

He can faintly hear the constant ringing of his phone, _must be Yugyeom_. Jinyoung smiles bitterly as he sits on the bathroom floor, his finger trembles as he runs the blade across his wrist. The events from earlier flashes behind his eyes, and before he knows it, his cheeks are already stained with tears.

 

The first drag hurt, Jinyoung winced. But as he sinks the blade deeper he starts to feel numb, and even for a short while he feels less bad. Tears blurred his sight, but even then, he can see the red coloring his rather pale skin, he watches it stain the cold marble tiles and for a second, he wonders how he looks like right now as he takes away his life.

 

Eventually, his eyes started to feel heavy and yet his body feels light. He leans back against the wall and sighs, he’s tired, so, _so_ tired.

 

He loses grip on the blade and it made a sharp sound as it hit the floor.

 

Jinyoung never felt this sleepy before, and it scared him for a second, but the thought that he could finally rest brought a smile to his face.

 

\--

 

Everything was a blur after that; he barely recognized someone slamming the door open. Jinyoung heard a panicked shout, he swore he heard his name along the lines of never ending profanities and pleads.

 

Jinyoung felt his body being lifted up, his head spins and it hurts everywhere. Through tired eyes, he vaguely sees Yugyeom crying as he talks to someone on the phone, and only then did he notice how the arms holding him are trembling, but even more than that, he noticed how familiar they are.

 

 _It can’t be._ He couldn’t do much, only being able to turn his head a little to try looking at the person holding him.

 

_“…Jaebum?”_

 

It amazed him how he even had the strength to call out the older male’s name, but it doesn’t matter anymore. He can’t clearly hear what Jaebum was saying, as the older male chokes in his own sobs.

 

The last thing Jinyoung hears before he closes his eyes to get that rest he deserves was Jaebum’s heartfelt confession, which may be a bit too late.  

 

**_I love you, I love you, please don’t go._ **


End file.
